I, Phaethon...

By Lynda Burns

I, Phaethon, always wondered about my father. I mean, don't get me wrong, Mom's great, and has always done the best she can for me and my sisters. I don't think I've ever really missed having a father around, but the other kids always teased me and asked questions trying to get a rise out of me, like "Who's your daddy?" I think that's bothered me a lot more than the actual absence of a father. My mom--have you heard of her, she's the Oceanid Clymene--anyway, she has always avoided questions when I bring them up. I guess it's good that she didn't try the "oh honey, he was a soldier/sailor that was killed in the line of duty shortly before you were born" thing. That sort of story can destroy a kid once they realize they've been lied to, which usually doesn't take long. If your mom lies to you about something that important, trust and respect are gone forever. But still, maybe having some sort of answer, even a lame one, might have been better than the not knowing. Looking back on what happened, I think my life would have been better if I'd just been happy with blissful ignorance. I know it would have been longer. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me explain....

I guess Mom finally got sick of my questions. I can't blame her; I really turned into a major pest as a teenager. I know that's pretty normal for boys, to be obnoxious, but I was so sick of the teasing. The other kids around had also become obnoxious teenagers, and I was their favorite target. Anyway, one day when I was being a pain, she exploded, and told me that my father was Helios. Talk about a mind blower--I was the son of the sun god? I knew she wasn't lying just to get me to shut up; Mom had never lied to me, ever. She was just good at avoiding questions and changing the subject. I tried to ask a couple delicate questions, like "How did that happen?" but realized the answers would be majorly gross. I mean, it's my mother. Eww! While I realize that parents do that in order to become parents, the fact that I didn't have a dad around made it even easier for me to pretend that my mom never had. Anyway, she gave me the short version, which happily was heavily edited for content.

Wow--from being the fatherless bastard (I know that's redundant, but kids aren't always creative in the names they call each other) to the son of a god. That's a major change and unfortunately I let it go to my head. I couldn't wait to let the other kids know that I wasn't actually a nobody, I was somebody--somebody much cooler and more important than they were. I should have realized that they wouldn't see it that way. But I was so psyched, I rushed to tell everyone. And did my new parentage correspond to a major rise in social status? Not exactly. They all laughed at me, and said I was lying. Okay, some didn't say I lied, but that mom lied to me, and I was so stupid and gullible that I believed her. Mom doesn't lie. Ever. I got so mad at them--not for calling me a liar but for calling her one. So, like an idiot teenager I started yelling at them, and ended up saying I would prove to them that the sun really was my father. Why do teenage boys do stuff like that? Make these ridiculous statements that pride doesn't let them back down from? I don't think even the gods know the answer to that one. Of course, as soon as I said I'd prove it, I had to. And the only way I could think of was to visit him and ask. Now it's not like the sun god lives a couple villages over, or even on the other side of Greece. Of course not, that would be too easy. I actually wasn't sure exactly how to get to his place. And that meant I had to do the unthinkable...ask for directions. Don't laugh.

To make it even worse, the only person I knew who might know how to get there was Mom. Once I had cooled down, I did not look forward to that conversation. And man, was I right. To say she was a little upset at what I planned to do is like saying that Artemis was a little annoyed when Actaeon saw her bathe. So after Mom finished ranting and raving, and calmed down a little, I explained to her that this had become really important to me. I wasn't doing it out of stupid male pride (well maybe a little), but because I really wanted to learn about my father, ask him some questions, and maybe find out why he hadn't wanted to be my dad. That last part stopped Mom cold. I could tell there were lots of things she wanted to say, justifications for his behavior, but you could tell that in a way she wanted to know that too. So, after lots of tears she gave in. She told me the path I had to take in order to go visit him, and loaded me up with food and water for the road, warm clothes since "it might get chilly at night", and anything else she could think of I might need.

So off I went. I thought I was on some grand adventure, a noble hero questing to discover the truth about his past. Please...I was just a kid following the instructions his mommy gave him. I journeyed over the ocean, seeing many marvelous wonders. You may have read about that somewhere. Finally, I was there, the palace of the sun. I have to say it seemed very imposing. I almost turned back without going in. But I didn't.

I went in and was granted an audience with Helios. We had a long, heartfelt talk. If you don't mind, the details are kind of private. But I understood why he had to do what he did. Then he promised me a boon, anything I wanted. Boy, do I wish he hadn't done that; that he had just picked out the gift. But it was too late. I thought for a minute, and then realized what the best choice was, if I wanted to prove to the kids back home I was really the sun god's son. I asked Dad if I could drive his chariot. That really set him back. He made all kinds of arguments, really good ones, about why that was a Bad Idea, and how I should pick something else. But I was stubborn, and just aching to show up the kids who'd been teasing me forever. He'd promised and he was stuck with it. He finally had to agree, or face the penalty for a broken word, which for gods is not something trivial like being grounded for a week. Although I guess if the sun was grounded, that would be bad. For everyone.

Anyway, he gave me extremely meticulous and detailed instructions on what to do to control the horses. Extremely. Like I'd never driven a chariot before. I listened pretty closely, because I knew hauling the sun around the sky wasn't like driving to market. But I will admit that even though I kept nodding at the right places, I did sort of tune out for a while. Like I said, he was extremely thorough. Finally though, it was almost dawn, and we went to the stable. The horses were even fiercer than I could have imagined. I guess they'd have to be to pull the sun. So when they were ready (the horses, not me. I was starting to wonder what I'd gotten myself into) I mounted the chariot and carefully wrapped the reins around my hands, just like at the hippodrome. Suddenly we were off, and the sun rose.

What a rush! There was this feeling of immense power, because I was controlling the sun. Or I thought I was. Everything went great for a while, but I guess the horses figured out that Dad wasn't at the reins. Horses are a lot smarter that most people think. So they started testing me. Just a little at first, just to see what would happen. I did pretty well, but I had been given a lot of information and not much time to process it. Cramming doesn't really work for driving tests--I proved that. The horses realized I couldn't control them if they really tried. You've probably heard that I was so frightened of the altitude I lost control. Or I was too weak. Wrong. I didn't get scared until after the control had been taken from me. I didn't lose it, it was stolen. I know that doesn't matter to the outcome, but it matters to me. Those horses were canny. The ride they took me on is legendary, rising high above the earth, then plunging down to the ground. That's where deserts come from, you know, the scorched earth from where we got too low.

I don't know exactly what happened next, since I was a little busy, but I'm guessing there was some sort of emergency meeting, and Zeus had to carry out their conclusion. I know it was probably the best decision for the planet, saving it and all, but man, did it suck for me. I was desperately trying to bring the horses back under control, and failing miserably, when BAM, out of the blue sky like a lightning bolt came, well, a lightening bolt. I was so startled I forgot to be scared. I think you know what happened then. I don't really remember exactly. Apparently dying is traumatic enough that you forget the details of how it felt, or even what happened.

So, looking back, what would I have done differently? I still would have gone to meet my dad. Maybe I should have asked for something else, or listened better. But to tell you the truth, I sometimes think that the look on those jerks' faces when they saw me driving the sun made everything worth it. I mean, after all, I showed them.

Posted by john at May 25, 2005 10:13 PM